I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
