I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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