Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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