apparently the secret to your success is patron
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize