Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
