before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
