we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
