she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't deserve a penis
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
