we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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