More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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