Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
