i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
