You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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