Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
