im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
