yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
