bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
