1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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