I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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