Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
