Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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