3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
