He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just pee around me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
