I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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