Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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