I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
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im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
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