Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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