PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
