CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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