just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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