An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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