he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
