Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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