I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
