I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
