the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
