He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
