i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
