I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
