i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
