if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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