Soap is not a condiment
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
