I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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