This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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