he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
