Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
