Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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