Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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