no, he came in my armpit
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize