Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
