I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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