so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
