Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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