I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
