yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
