got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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