OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
