she smelled like a LAN party
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
vagina is talking i cant
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dignity is for republicans.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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