I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
