dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
